(This post is post-dated to stay on top. Originally posted November 3, 2008 at 1:21 p.m. Central Time.)

Welcome to my journal. As you'll notice, I do have plenty of public posts. I don't want to turn the whole journal to Friends-Only or Private, as I think it sort of undercuts the point of a LiveJournal. However, I do have a rule of respect above and beyond those of the Livejournal ToS.

By reading other journal entries in my journal, you agree to not drag conversations to other places, with the exception of personal journals, metaquotes, and some snark communities. I have anonymous replies available most of the time, so there's little excuse to not use that as compared to copying the topic and replying elsewhere. Usually, when I need to lower the people to reply to a post, I'll lower the post's viewing privileges first. If I post here on a topic elsewhere, I have a reason to do it. If I wanted my thoughts posted to the topic, I would've done it myself.

Violating this agreement means that you accept all derision that people like me can give.

In short, with some exceptions, if something is said here, let it stay here, when you leave here.

EDIT: Also, while I'm saying things here, I know that quite a few of the manga and anime on my wish list can be obtained by other methods. I do have a thirst for knowledge. On the other hand, I have a respect for those creative-type people who make those sorts of things. If there is a domestic release date to something I'm interested in, I would like the people who read this journal to refrain from mentioning the less-than-legal methods.

Besides, I plan to be a writer one day, and I definitely wouldn't appreciate people linking to copies of my works that I don't see a dime from, especially when they can just go to Amazon.com and buy a copy.

On the other hand, if there are legal methods to obtain, watch or read something for free (Something like South Park Studios, or a coupon for anything), feel free to talk about it.

Yes, I've been complemented on it. People have asked if there's a T-shirt available.

My answer: Not yet.

I saw it here. I asked the guy if I could use it as a userpic, and he said yes.

He's working on it. I cannot help you, as it's not my picture to put on a t-shirt.

Okay? Okay.

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I tried to get help from my Facebook friends list with my dating problems. I asked for wingmen and introductions.

I received nothing of the sort.

• Two suggestions of match.com, because when I start to believe the women profiles on online dating sites are not those of actual living beings, let alone human women, the problem is I'm not paying for the privilege of the Turing Test.
  
  
• Two "She's not going to reply to your message because you believe she's not going to reply to your message." It's not that the reply rate to online dating messages is horrendous. It's that I'm not blindly optimistic all the fucking time.
  
  
• One "What do you want wingmen for? They'll take the better woman. Go back to online dating." (I paraphrased it, but this argument did come up)
  
  
• One "You should join groups to meet women. Not that one. Not that one, either. Are you even trying?" It's not like I'm extending myself far enough. I have to go farther and farther and even farther.
  
  
• Two "You have to find women on your own," because it's not like meeting women is a social activity or anything.
  

It's like I made friends just to have them be friends in the designated friend areas. If I made a friend at IAF, I made an IAF friend, not a friend I met at IAF. If I ask any of my friends to be a friend outside of their friend area, I'm asking for too much. Asking them to help me meet other people, and I might as well be asking for their bank account and social security number.

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I'm through with online dating. The turing tests, the spam, the few women that respond trying to kill the conversation, and only one date from the mess (Darcy, for those playing the home game).

Now, I've tried to look for dates alone, & hated every minute of it. The music was too loud, I couldn't get an opening, etc. If this is going to work, I'll need help. I'll need a wingperson. I'll need introductions.

I don't know anyone in particular that could help me, but I'm part of quite a few groups and I've picked up some Facebook friends. I figure I can post for help.

Two people reply. Both suggest match.com.

I wanted someone helping me out, not charging admission to the turing test.

(BTW, I put together this post on Opera Mini. Thank you, mobile phones. Now I should not do that again.)

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Today, I went to Barnes and Noble, and I saw a newsstand magazine for "50 Shades of Grey" fans.

Where can I hand in my resignation from the human race?

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I'm about a week into a new job scanning documents for a doctors office. I know the job is temporary, but I need something like this to get my mind off of the impending doom train.

The job's flexible. I show up and they put me to work. I have called in exhausted once. My social anxiety disorder is subsiding, as I don't really have to deal with the patients as people. I deal with them as charts, graphs, forms, and other miscellaneous papers.

On the other hand, I put in as many hours as I can to account for having to travel to Windsor Heights. With the price of gas, lunch, and caffeine, I don't want to lose more money than I take in just to get there.

It's funny that I got the job offer after mentioning my unemployment at a skeptics' meeting. I mean, filling out applications online for faceless companies was how I thought I'd get a job. This is slowly snapping me out of my funk.

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My main e-mail account got hacked yesterday. I'm just resetting the passwords, making sure anything important didn't get taken.

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Later this summer, the CW is showing a new game show called "Sit."

It is basically extreme musical chairs.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

EDIT: Apparently, it's really called "Oh Sit."

Like a detail that sitty is going to save this pile of sit.

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My inner shut-in is running rampant right now, about as well as a shut-in can run rampant.

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I've heard various grad schools for math have an acceptance ratio of less than 10%, the only school that can fulfill a VEE requirement for actuarial work won't let me take one of the classes I need, and considers the prerequisites to that class I haven't fulfilled are some sort of trade secret to protect, I have to practically rework Vampire/Amazon if I'm going to sell the story, online dating is a bunch of flakes, any attempt to get friends together to meet women in person leads me to believe my friends are a bunch of flakes as well, the D&D campaign I run is looking like it's going to break up two actual sessions in, most jobs I can find either have requirements way over my head, or are built for "people" persons which I, with Social Anxiety Disorder, am the exact opposite of (and don't give me "exposure therapy" crap; otherwise that census job would've cured me and not forced me to quit it two weeks in), and on top of all that, I have a cough that won't let up.

Forget day, it hasn't been my year.

...

You know what, fuck it, I'm adding this one: the local arcade with a DDR machine has two of the steps broken. One of them has been broken since the last time I showed up over a month ago.

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Short-haired women get to go to the front of the line. The shorter the better, but shoulder-length will still catch my eye.

Also, if I get the feeling she's older than I am, I'm turned on. It could be a couple of days and I'm liking it. I do have limits, and if she's closer to my mother's age than mine, I'm turned off, but my mother had me at age 35, so there's range. That's not as big as the short-hair turn-on, though.

My new psychiatrist told me to go to therapy. I probably should've went earlier, but my health plan didn't cover it, and I don't think I could've talked about anything but it until I got Broadlawns's financial aid forms filled out and papers brought in.

Of course, when I finished that, I got nailed with a depressive funk. If they gave me a solid appointment, I could make it. If they just ask me to show up whenever, I'd have to fight myself to get up, and my mind would be making every excuse to not show up.

The thing is Broadlawns's therapy wants the first session to be walk-in. In other words, you have to go early and wait for someone to cancel or miss their appointment. If that sounds like fun to you, do you want to take over my OKCupid account?

I didn't know that it was reliant on people missing their appointments. I thought walk-in was just "walk in." I feel bad that I had my mother drive me there for support. I waited a couple of hours for everyone to make their appointment.

At least the receptionist gave me an appointment. It's after my psychiatrist appointment, but eh, I figure I could just explain my situation.

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University of Minnesota has rejected my Grad School application.

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When I came back to Des Moines, I wanted to make friends.

Now, I wish that I was a little more specific. Sure, I know a lot more people than I do now, but a whole lot of the people I know from somewhere, I don't meet outside of said somewhere.

There's a lot of them that are cold for fair-weather friends. If I want a favor, if it's a mutually-beneficial favor, I'm fighting them every step of the way. If I'm not, I'm on my own.

I want to go out and meet women. I've tried going out before, and I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I ask for someone to go with me, and can't find anyone to go with me. Not a one.

It'd be one thing if I didn't have the luck just at meeting women. I have no clue what I'm doing, and I can't find one person to give me a hand.

*I'm actually going back into therapy. I may back off depending on how financial aid is going to go, but I need to be back. And what's with LJ increasing the size of my font?

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1) IowaCares does not cover mental health or pharmaceuticals. You think if Iowa cared, it actually would, but...
2) Psychiatrists will try to help you, despite a bill-induced panic attack.
3) I have to use one of my CD's to pay off student loans to drop my at-hand money for financial aid, or I'll have "too many resources."

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"It'll be all right," is a phrase for people having a dry spell. It's not for people who are sure that its never going to rain again and are having problems working out an irrigation system with nearby lands.

I know that analogy probably fell apart, but I don't care.

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Wendy's Boneless Chicken. I had it once. I later looked for it again, but it was off the menu.

I tried Taco John's Baja Boneless Wings. They need a milder sauce, and less breading, but it's the closest thing out there right now.

Define "relationship."

Twice a year, I go to Fields of Honor, a gaming convention in the Des Moines area. One's coming up at the end of the week.

This time, I'm going to put together my setting notes for Overland, with a modified version of PDQ#, and I'm going to run it.

I chose PDQ# on the grounds that it's a "skill abstract" system. There's no list of actual skills (though there are suggestions). The players just pick skills and I tell them if it's too broad or narrow for the game.

I intend to get a list of their skills so, if I change to a system that uses a skill list, I can get some idea of what players are going to choose for an arctic wasteland setting.

My plans for the adventure is to start simple. Rather than the multi-week trips between pyre cities, I have the PCs go after a weapon that's rumored to kill one of the pyres in one fell swoop. The Flame-Killer is currently under control of a tribe o sadistic nomadic slaver bird people known as Ternats, and they're currently living a day's travel from the pyre city of Mordat.

I figure it's a goal short enough to introduce the players to Overland, yet important enough to emphasize that this is a world that's a hair's breath from crashing down and leaving the PCs (and possibly an entire city) in an icy grave.

I hope that the feedback will point me in the right direction with Overland.

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Usually, around this time of the year, when it's too warm for the furnace but too cold for the AC, I usually had problems sleeping.

This year, however, I've slept well.

What changed? I removed the electronic mouse-deterrent and flipped the reverse switch on my ceiling fan. Just those things, and I can sleep comfortably.

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